| xoxo, Gossip Girl |
[Oct. 3rd, 2009|10:55 pm] |
So, just a list of where I got what book, and to keep track what I have read.
NOTE: The Arroyo Seco Branch has NONE of these books..
0. Prequel - It Had to be You: Chinatown
1. Gossip Girl: Central
2. You Know You Love Me: Chattsworth
3. All I want Is Everything: North Hollywood
4. Because I'm Worth It: Chinatown
5. I Like It Like That: West Valley
6. You're the One That I Want: North Hollywood
7. Nobody Does It Better: Palisades
8. Nothing Can Keep Us Together: Chinatown
9. Only in Your Dreams: Chinatown
10. Would I Lie to You?: Palisades
11. Don't You Forget About Me: Baldwin Hills
13. Gossip Girls: The Carlyles: San Perdo
14. You Just Can't Get Enough: Tarzana
15. Take a Chance on Me: Felipe De Neve
16. Love the One You're With: Woodland Hills
17. I Will Always Love You |
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| Summer's almost over.. |
[Sep. 13th, 2009|10:56 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  exhausted | ] |
Again, I apologize for not updating for a while; I've been busy sorting out my life and prioritizing on what I need to get done, and it seems September is a busy month.
I've signed up for the GMATs, and I have about another week or so to prepare myself for them, which I feel I'm at where I should be, except for the Writing Assessment part, but that's what my last week will be focused on. Along with testing, I was lucky enough when checking to sign up for the Japanese Proficiency Language Exam, because the last day of registration is the 24th, and I was planning to sign up on the 27th. =P
Another thing, I've been driving myself to and from work, so it's not too bad, though the reason why I wanted to write this blog is because I needed to vent about the two accidents I almost gotten into today.
One, going to work, a car was pulling out of a gas station and didn't even see me, nor bother to slow down when I was getting into a lane to make a right turn.
Two, after work, a car was in the protected left lane, and out of nowhere, hopped onto my lane, so I didn't know what the fuck he was doing. The aftermath of that was me accidentally punching the gas, and the first time me seeing the odometer hitting the "3" mark in like five seconds.
Besides that, work sucks a lot. But to make some mental notes:
September 2nd: Closing manager decided to recover clearance and bring down upstock of clearance from Shop 5 to Shop 2. Need to question General Manager about priorities of the closing manager.
September 4th: Had visited Santa Monica, and talked to one of the managers at the store. Will need to re-contact them as soon as possible.
September 8th: Talk to General Manager; mention that I lack leadership and will have a serious talk about the career path, if any. Point out that he had mention names about a "negative boulder" effect, and felt like leaking that information out was un-confidential on his behalf to do so, whether or not it was to state a point.
September 9th: Received a text message about whether or not it was possible to work on September 10th; texted back unknown person stating that Mario had added me on Sunday, therefore I cannot work.
September 10th: Received a phone call from a familiar phone number, the same number who sent the text message the previous day; did not pick up the phone call, because expected a voice message if it was important.
Point taken, this is just mental notes for myself, things that I will need to bring up for a later reference.
Anyways, I'm going to head for bed because I'm freaken tired, and that I have work at 5 AM. Life as a retail associate. |
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| When summer's about to end.. |
[Aug. 21st, 2009|05:49 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  horny | ] |
I guess it's about time that I should update, you know?
Well, with work sucking at the start of it all, they've been giving me more hours, which I'm not complaining about, because more hours = more money = a savings to keep, since I have to start saving because all that money will be needed to pay off loans and crap! WOO!
With that said, I still haven't paid for my GMAT testing, and I'm kind of scared that I'm not ready for it, even though I've been sort of studying it on and off, but I'm trying to buckle down now and just get all the studying over with, because I feel it's to the point where I have hit the capacity level of which I can keep.
Along with that, my Japanese studying hasn't been around, but at least I have taken up other things, like recreating new shirts for myself to wear to work. Yeah, let's hope it's worth the extra money to create these new items that will last me for a bit longer. At least my creative energy is still there.
As for job-hunting, I think I'm going to try again after I take the GMAT. At this point in time, I'm happy enough that ON is giving me hours, but at the same time, studying is taking a lot of energy out of me, and I don't have enough time to do all of that and find another job. That, and I'm not 100% sure if accountant is the life-style for me. Maybe there's another calling, but I guess I will see once that path is paved. |
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| RANT: Clothes Shopping, Part 1 |
[Aug. 10th, 2009|02:13 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  bored | ] |
I though this might be a good thing to note, and it's been on my mind for a while, and decided that I should jot down some things about people and clothes shopping.
- Treat the store like how you would treat your friend's place. I totally understand if you're just trying to find a size or color, but it doesn't mean you have to TRASH up the place just to find it. Often times, it's on the floor, and leaving the clothes laying around, on the table or on the floor isn't the brightest idea. Yeah, we get paid to clean up the place, but do us a favor and if you don't want something, don't just leave it whatever you're at, either place it back where you got it, or just give it to the people in the fitting room.
- When looking at a shirt, pick up the one on the top of the pile. Why is this important? Think about it, if you're finding your size, then decided you didn't want it, chances are that the pile got torn up, just because you were trying find your size. Pick the first one up, and if you like it, THEN find your size. And also, all the shirts are the same, so there's no need to pick up another one and decide.
- Keep in mind, if an employee is nearby, and you're messing up a pile, chances are they are cussing you out in their mind. If you see something you like that the employee spend some time working on it, don't just TEAR up the damn pile. You wouldn't like it if you just finished painting your house, and for me to get a bag of feathers and having a random pillow fight, right?
- The store is not a playground. In other words, keep your kids under control. We are not paid to babysit your children nor do we want to. Running around the store isn't always fun if a kid happen to trip and fall into a fixture, and this has happened several times, resulting in a pool of blood on the sales floor. If your kids are out of control, keep them at home. You're going to be doing the workers and the other shoppers a HUGE favor.
- Know what sizes you're buying. If you ask us what size should a 5 year old wear, we're not going to know exactly, because if the 5-year old looks like they're 7, of course they're not going to fit into baby clothes. If you need a tape measure, just ask us, and we'll be more than welcome to get you one.
- Read the signs CAREFULLY. A personal pet peeve, when customers don't read the sign and say they saw something else. When a sign says, "Tops for $10", it does not mean that the bottoms on the same fixture are 10 bucks too. And when the sign says 60% off; it means 60% off the original price, not an additional 60% off. And don't ask if we're going out of business, because you wouldn't like it if I asked if your breast are fake.
- Another personal favorite, asking when things go on sale. First of all, we don't know whether or not things will go on sale, because we're not mind-readers. Second, if we do know, we're not allowed to tell you when they go on sale, because that's going behind company policy, leaking out information to the public. Third, if you DARE ask us that question, we will know flat out that you're a freaken cheapsake.
I have more, but I can't think of anything right now. |
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| Pondering.. |
[Jul. 27th, 2009|02:52 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  sleepy | ] |
Well, I guess it's time for another update, right?
A few days ago, I found out that Giovanni's got a boyfriend for almost a year, and I'm quite jealous, actually. Congrats on that, if you're reading this, but I highly doubt it, since you CLAIM so but in reality, nothing really does comes true, and you might just click on the journal RIGHT before messaging me.
Today, my cousin and aunt from England came to visit (she was married to my Uncle Keith, but they got a divorce, but the aunt is still willing to let him visit) after a year away from the States, which is quite a shocker to me, because that would mean that I'm freaken old. Looking at Philbert reminds me of how young I was when I first saw him, like in high school, and now that I'm done with college, he's growing so fast, and I'm getting OLD by the days. I'm still contemplating about business school, and thinking about what I want to do with my life, but it has come to a point that maybe it's time I should do some soul searching, because quite honestly, I don't know what I want to do still, and I really don't want to waste money on something I'm going to be 100% dedicated on doing. (As a matter of fact, my exit loan papers came in and I should fill them out as soon as I can, because I need to start paying back a crapload of money.)
I hate the fact that my life feels like it's going nowhere, but at the same time, I'm a young one, and I shouldn't be scared to take risk and junk.
The GMAT seems to be the only thing that's keeping me busy. I can't believe that I forgot all the Math that I'm suppose to know for this exam, and it's all easier than what I have learned at UCLA, just simple algebra, geometry and operations! OMG. I guess I need to work harder and stronger in order to get this passing score for the GMATs, and hopefully get into a good school. Pray for me, people.
While this is happening, I'm trying to relearn Japanese, and hopefully there's some remaining stuff that I learned in the past that's still around in my head, because the exam is only 5 months away, and it's going to go by quickly, if I don't study right after the GMATs. I really hope I get to go to Japan soon, because I'm getting sick and tired of California, and me not having a car officially, there's really no means of reliable transportation that I can use, besides taking the train to Little Tokyo and Pasadena, but I'm going to get tired of all of that. Let's hope, something will fall on my lap, or something can be dug up.
Anyways, it's already 3, and I should go to bed. |
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| Nightmare in Dreamland..? |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|12:49 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  melancholy | ] |
I know it's stealing the Kirby series title, but this is explaining my emotions at this point in time.
As some of you know, my parents got separated in November 2006, when I was a second year. It was a tough time for my mom, since I was still going to school, and she didn't have any stable financial plan at the time; working as a seamstress isn't all that great, but it makes enough money to pay for the important stuff. Anyways, since then, Thanksgiving and Christmas hasn't been all that great for me, just that work provided me with a great escape from home.
With that short summary, there was a letter for my mom today, from a lawyer. I didn't bother to open it, because it was my mom's mail, and unlike some people, I don't open other people's mail. My mom got home to drive me to work, and I told her a letter came in, and opened it. The letter was in response of the paperwork my mom filed two years ago, saying that my father wants half of the house, and half of the joint account that he and my mom shares. Saying that, my father paid shit for the house; in fact, for the remodel, my mom was the one who paid for everything, and my father did shit. In other works, my father is becoming a gold-digger and wants money that isn't rightfully his.
I have never seen my mom this pissed off in a while, even when she was having a bad week, and even when I was having a bad couple days. It's just heartbreaking, seeing my mom's hard work being shattered by my ungraceful greedy father, who thinks he can get away with it.
I'm ready to testify against him, and telling the court the truth about what kind of a father he was to my brother and me, and I vow that he will pay if he wins it. And I know karma will be there to fight back, because he's getting old, and I'm pretty sure he has no will, and his brothers and sisters will be clawing for who gets what. But then again, he might spend all the money in one place, and decides to find some other way to get more money from us.
But my mom was right about one thing, he can't take the education I got from UCLA; with this degree, I'm going to try my hardest to get a career, go to Business School, and make sure that he eats my dust. So far, I'm already beating all my "cousins" by going to UCLA and graduating. I just need to find a career, and make sure to rub it in.
I'm sorry, I'm just having a bad day, and I hope my mom isn't overly stressed about this. I'm already stressed out from all of this, just because it's been two years, and my father waited until NOW, after I graduated, to mess around. I hope I can find some flaw in his little plan, to make him pay, or get even with him, like attaching him to my college loans, and making him pay it off, or somehow, suing him back for child abuse. But then again, the heavens are watching, and hopefully, his mother, is on my mom's side. At least, we know his father is already on our side, since his ENTIRE family decided to disown him, just because my grandfather wanted to remarry. Heh, and I'm already tempted to throw so much crap at his face, and when he asked the question, "Who taught you this kind of disrespectful behavior? UCLA?", I can proudly say, "You, father. I followed your footsteps of what you did to your father, and basically did the same thing." And smile at him, ensuring that he'll be pent up with anger, making an outburst.
I hope the heavens are watching out for us, and I hope karma will fight back. |
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| About time, right? |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|01:47 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  listless | ] |
Looking back on my blog, I noticed that I only update when I have something good to talk about, or if I want to bitch someone out, often an ex of some sort. This time, I decided that I should put down my thoughts (not my bitching out) down.
For starters, I am an official graduate of UCLA! Yay to that! Why so? Because my major GPA was hanging by a thread, and I managed to push it to the grade point I needed to graduate, so thanks to my Differential Equation classes. =P
But what lies ahead for the future? Honestly, I really don't know at this point. But I can tell you what I have planned out so far.
First thing, I'm thinking about maybe applying to business school. I sort of want to go to a graduate school, but at the same time, I don't want to dedicate my life to Math, because I had enough abstract Math classes for a lifetime. And my goal is to aim for Hawaii, for two reasons. First reason, and obvious reason is for the hot mainland guys. (I know that this is a bad reason to go to a school, but I really don't care. Whatever motivation I have, I'm taking.) And second, they have this really cool catered program that is Japan-focused MBA, which would be perfect for me, since I'm still in love with the Japanese culture. Hell, I just took my first Japanese bath with the bath salt, and it was AWESOME, but a waste of water. :sigh:
With that said, I'm studying for the GMATs, which isn't too bad, actually. I would need to brush up on the Math (even though I was a Math major, I shouldn't be overly cocky about knowing Math, since it is high school math, Math that I haven't done SINCE high school), and hopefully understand the concept of the essay portion. I know my GPA took a huge hit, but I'm hoping with a strong GMAT score, and the letters of recommendations, I can get in.
Along with that, because I had dropped my Japanese minor, my friend told me about this Japanese proficiency language exam that is given every so often, from the government of Japan, issuing proof that you know Japanese. With that said, that is my second goal, to get tested at least to a Level 2 certificate, so I have some proof that I can understand Japanese. With that, I am slowly brushing up on all the grammar that I learned since Japanese 2, since everything was such a blur.
After all that said, something recently happened that kind of shot my going-to-Japan/Korea-to-teach-English plan down. My mother, the usual wet blanket. I did take what she said in consideration, but at the same time, I feel like I'm always stuck at home, because of her. She doesn't want me to leave, yet there's nothing for me here anymore. I think it's just the fact that she's being overprotected ever since I moved back home, and doesn't think I can live on my own now, at least financially, which is understandable, but at the same time, I feel like no matter WHAT I do, she's not going to be happy with it, even if she says she is. :sigh:
Anyways, the good news is that I'm re-learning how to drive, and driving streets aren't too bad. Just that my mother needs to shut the hell up, and let me drive. I blame her for forcing me to get my license's when I was 18, and not being able to touch a car until now. I'm slightly annoyed by the fact that she keeps comparing me with other people, and I'm tempted to move out because of that. I'm hoping to have a car by the end of summer, but we will see what happens by then, because I'm already itching to get out of the house every so often.
Work-wise, I'm glad enough that I have a job for now. But at the same time, I'm ready to get out of there, and find a real and better job. As much as I like working at Old Navy, I'm started to see the reasons why other people were leaving, and those reasons are starting to become my reasons. Mostly, management has changed, and it's not a pretty sight. My mother was talking about how some people are willing to find ways to step on other people, so they can move up, and I'm already feeling like that, since there's this one manager is already on my bad side, and I have already made it my goal to get her fired before I leave the store. I have already set up a deadline of leaving the store, and I just hope I find a real job before that deadline, so I can just peace out and move on with my life.
I have already started job hunting, and it failed miserably. I'm planning to start picking it back up when my resume gets fixed, and I can plan out what I want to do with my life, besides business school or teaching aboard. |
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| Exactly ONE year.. |
[May. 10th, 2009|11:51 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  indescribable | ] |
Yeah, it's kind of scary to remember this date, but exactly one year ago, I had broken up with my first relationship. Not going to dwell on this subject long, but just wanted to say that after one year, a LOT has changed, and looking back at it, I think it was the right decision.
There's other topics that I would like to touch upon.
First, if you're REALLY reading this Giovanni, you would have the guts to reply back to my Facebook message, and not just say, "Yeah, I'm reading your LJ still." And honestly, just don't read it, do something about it.
Second, the main topic that I wanted to bring up is girls who are total ditz, and by ditz, I mean like full-blown "OMG" talking-with-a-high-inflation-and-ending-everything-in-a-question ditz. My friend and I were eating at an okonomiyaki shop in Torrence, and this one chick, I swear, I wanted to slap her across the face. I understand if you want to feel helpless around your boyfriend, but REALLY? And today, same friend were eating at a Japanese-tapa style shop at Santa Monica, and the same type of chick..! OMG..
And both girls were Asian! It's like, what has the world done? My friend told me that guys like girls like that, and it might just be the trend or something. I told her flat out, if a guy is EVER like that to me, I'm peaceing out.
Basically, I can't stand these girls! Damn helpless girls thinking that guys will like them just because they can't do anything. : sigh :
In other news, I'm sort of talking to someone. At least something is going right.. |
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| Half-way done.. In for the long run.. |
[Apr. 26th, 2009|06:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Terrace ORL | ] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | Britney Spears - If You Can Seek Amy | ] |
It's Spring Quarter Week 5, and I still don't know what I'm doing after all of this.
I'm hiding in the office, hoping to understand what the hell is the Runge-Kutta method is and why am I learning some random stuff in a Differential Equation class, compared to my non-linear Differential Equation class?
Besides sitting around with my laptop on one side, with Mathematica running on it, my iPod Touch playing random music, and a binder filled with handouts among handouts of Differential Equations, I'm not really being productive.
I had a revelation the other day..
I noticed the guys I sort of seek out tend to be a little more similar to me, but at the same time, I think it's about time that I should put that sucker on hiatus. I've been busier than I ever have, trying to finish up college, get my Math degree and do something with it. To put in the words of V, "I really don't have time.." And it's about time that I start to notice that, and start buckling down and finish this year off with a great bang.
Anyways, I just wanted to rant about that for a moment.
Other than that, Wonder Girls have been in the US for quite a while, and I'm sad that I wasn't able to go to their concert about a month ago, but nonetheless, they have been making a boom here and there, and I hope their music will spread like wildfire. (Take that, you lousy bastard that didn't like my dancing..)
^^
Time to go back to work.. |
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| Maybe it's time for a legit update.. |
[Mar. 9th, 2009|11:00 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | SNSD - Way to Go, Dear Mom, Gee | ] |
Yeah, I know; I've been slacking off on this, and hell, I haven't had a chance to write in my tangible journal, just because school has slammed me since Week 1 with crap, and now it's Week 10. OMG, I know.
Quite honestly, I just wanted to talk about the past for a moment, and yes, I know I said that I wasn't going to open that can of worms, but nevertheless, it's going to be open, once again, but it's more of a reflection on what happened, since I started to read my blog from 5 years ago.
I've talked to my co and a few other people about this, and I think they fully agree with me; people need to go to college, to an actual four-year college, because that's where people change, and is more real with the world. I remember hearing studies about this, but coming from my own perspective, it's true.
In the past, I used to believe that I wasn't capable of doings things, like one of the memes I did said that I'm probably going to end up going to Pasadena City College or to CSULA, but look where I'm at now, at UCLA, with a Pure Mathematics degree, close enough to being in my reach, along with three years of learning some Japanese, and being an RA for two years. What kind of person would have that kind of combination?
Heh, I guess Kirk (one of my supervisor) was right; I tend to doubt myself a lot, and because of that, I don't notice that I have so much potential to do the things I wanted to do, like being an RA, overcoming the fact that I may not be in the right major, yet I'm still fighting with my life and whatever ounce of energy I have left. I've always doubted myself, possibly from the fear that my mom implanted from my father. My father was always afraid that my mom would be much better than he was, hence why my mom made so many sacrifices, just so my brother and I have better lives than she had. And now, after my father leaving the household, my mom has been better. She told me that one person mentioned that she looks more at peace, and she just replied that she doesn't have to deal with my father anymore, and is able to do what she wants when she wants.
To be quite honest about this, there was a different reason of why I wanted to go to UCLA. I think I told people that I wanted to go here because it was close by and my mom wanted me to be near. That is half-true, it is nice to be home within an hour's time, but at the same time, I wanted to get the hell out of Highland Park and have my own life. The real reason was actually selfish, but at the same time, it was my drive, and I'm hoping this person isn't reading this (and I doubt that he would, because I think he got rid of his LJ), but it was because of Andrew. I guess this is where my childhood stupidity lies, and yet it's still there.
Four years later, after that decision of going to UCLA because of someone, I found a new drive of why I need to go to UCLA. I needed to go to UCLA, to change myself, both physically and mentally. Comparing myself to what I was in the past, I've grown up to be more mature about my decisions and from what I talked to my co about, my decision in finding someone.
I will admit, I have made some stupid mistakes in the past; all the guys I "dated" and the one I got into a relationship with, all had one thing in common; they never really obtained that college degree, or at least try to attempt to my level of education. I don't mean to downgrade all guys who don't go to college, but with all the ones I "dated", I felt that a lot of them were still kids, and I wad the grown-up, the one who had to deal with the childish behaviors like guys lying to me, being immature about decisions and had fits about the tiny things, something that I would have done back in high school. After a few months of dwelling in stupidity, I realize that I needed to change one thing about my taste in guys, they need to have some sort of education that's at least up to par with mine. It's not the fact that I want them to have a degree, but at least this shows me that I can carry some conversation with them to a certain intelligible degree, and someone who can teach me new things about life. I'm not saying that I'm going to shoot down guys that don't have a degree, but once the childish behaviors appear, I'm gone.
Heh, I guess it might be a good idea to mention this.
A few weeks ago, I went to Rage with a friend, because we needed to let out some steam and have a bit of fun before finals. Once we both stepped in, we needed to go to the restroom, BADLY. I ran to the restroom and let it out. After that, I stepped outside to wait for my friend, so we both can do to the dance floor. While standing outside the restroom, I looked across from me and noticed it was my ex-, the same person who looks the same and dresses the same. I looked the other way, pretending that I didn't see him for a moment, and looked back, and noticed that he was gone. After scanning really quickly, I noticed he was hiding, and texting someone. Don't know if it was me (I changed my number since the end of junior year, so there's no way I could have replied if he did) or someone else, but I knew it was about me since he looked flustered and nervous and kept glancing at me. My friend walked out and as we walked to the dance floor, I told her and just brushed it off.
Maybe I was being rude by doing that, but at the same time, I've moved on. I realized that we both weren't a fit, since he wanted a guy who fitted his perfect image, a skinny white guy with the same caring personality. I was slightly pissed off for him to say something like that, when he kept poking fun at me for calling me fat. I ran that thought through my mind, and realized that I've lost some weight and packed on some muscle since he last saw me, meaning that he was probably jealous that I changed a bit, and I quickly noticed that he changed his profile picture to a "self-candid" shot, along with one of him in the locker room, trying to flex. I just find it funny how karma is a bitch, and I don't really need to make those kind of pictures, but I noticed that I'm active than I was before. COME ON, I did the high ropes yesterday with my co, and we were 25 feet off the ground, holding onto our bear lives! And I've done rock-wall climbing, took swimming lessons, and started to play Volleyball once again. I guess he didn't realize that I could have change and have fun without him.
After that one night, I sort of found the strength I need to finish UCLA with. I have to prove to all those guys who think I was just a fuck toy, or who think I'm not the ideal guy that there's more than meets the eye. I have to prove to myself that I'm able to do all these things, graduate UCLA and find a career in the real world, while those guys are still finding jobs after jobs, or who are still stuck at a CC.
All I can say is, thanks mom, for believe in me, and I'm going to make sure the words that you gave me when your ex-boyfriend came down to Los Angeles are remembered throughout my life.
"Never show them weakness, show them that you're having a great time without them, and make them jealous, because they knew they lost a good thing." |
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| A blast from the past.. |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|11:44 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  frustrated | ] |
So, in trying to solve a mystery that has been lurking for quite some time, I remembered that my old BlogSpot has all the information that I need. While searching for it, I stumbled upon something.
An old form that I filled out twice.
( Step into the past, about 5 years ago.. )
I guess I should update it with the current stuff.
[March 8th, 2009]
// series one - intro..
-- name: Tom Tran
-- birthdate: March 26, 1987
-- birthplace: Chinatown, Los Angeles, California
-- current location: Los Angeles, California (about 22 miles away from home.)
-- eye color: Depends on my mood; gotta love my color contacts
-- hair color: Currently, and will probably stay black for a while.
-- righty or lefty: Right, but I'm trying to find out if I can do things w/ my left hand.
-- zodiac sign: Aries
-- innie or outtie: Innie
// series two - describe...
-- your heritage: 1/2 Chinese & Vietnamese
-- the shoes you wore today: White Gap slip-ons
-- your hair: The length I usually have it before I make my hairline
-- your weakness: Not having enough time to do crap
-- your fears: In general, just heights, and the feat of failing in life.
-- your perfect pizza: All kinds of mushrooms, but I'll eat anything.
-- one thing you'd like to achieve: Go to Japan, and stay there for a while.
// series three - what is...
-- your most overused phrase on aim: =P
-- your thoughts first waking up: Crap, I have class in an hour.
-- the first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Clothes and face
-- your best physical features: My legs and butt. =P
-- your bedtime: Like 1 AM, 2 AM; I can't believe I went to bed at 10 PM five years ago.
-- your greatest accomplishment: Getting into UCLA, and still a Math major.
-- your most missed memory: Having fun without a care.
// series four - you prefer...
-- pepsi or coke: I don't drink soda, and I'll drink whatever is around
-- mcdonald's or burger king: I'm over fast food, shockingly.
-- single or group dates: Single, have more 1:1 time.
-- adidas or nike: Either, but I'm just started to get into the stuff.
-- lipton iced tea or nestea: hmm, Nestea; more variety of different flavored teas that doesn't have all the empty sugar calories.
-- chocolate or vanilla: Whatever is around.
-- cappucino or coffee: I'm not a big coffee person anymore.
-- boxers or briefs: Boxer briefs and boxers
// series five - do you...
-- smoke: Nope.
-- cuss: If I said no, I would be lying.
-- sing well: Never tested that theory.
-- take a shower everyday: Yeah, I like the feeling being clean.
-- do you think you've been in love: More lust than love.
-- want to go to college: Uh, I'm already here. =P
-- like high school: It had its ups and downs.
-- want to get married: We'll see..
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys: Who does?
-- believe in yourself: At times
-- get motion sickness: Once in a while.
-- think you're attractive: At times.
-- think you're a health freak: Wow, from not being one, to being one.
-- like thunderstorms: Once in a while, if I'm curled up under my sheets.
-- play an instrument: One of the many things that doesn't fit me to the stereotypical Asian.
// series six - in the past month, did/have you...
-- drank alcohol: Like last night. =P
-- smoke(d): Nope
-- done a drug: No.
-- have sex: It's been a while.
-- go on a date: See above.
-- go to the mall?: Been studying.
-- eaten an entire box of oreos: OMG. I have, and it's SO bad.
-- eaten sushi: @ Yamato.
-- been on stage: Nope.
-- been dumped: See, "go on a date"
-- gone skating: Nope.
-- made homemade cookies: Cupcakes, yeah.
-- gone skinny dipping: No.
-- dyed your hair: Not since last year.
-- stolen anything: Does office supplies count?
// series seven - have you ever...
-- played a game that required removal of clothing? Not that I remember.
-- been trashed or extremely intoxicated: One can wish.
-- been caught "doing something": Heh, no; I've been smart enough to close my door.
-- been called a tease: Yeah.
-- gotten beaten up: Nope. ^^
-- shoplifted: Back in the day, but it was small things.
-- changed who you were to fit in: Those days were called "high school".
// series eight - the future...
-- age you hope to be married: Don't really know if I want to walk down that line.
-- itinerary?: Japan, soon, I hope.
-- descibe your dream wedding: Simple, yet sleek.
-- how do you want to die: In my sleep.
-- where you want to go to college: : clears throat :
-- what do you want to be when you grow up: Baker
{x} current clothes: white A-shirt and basketball shorts
{x} current mood: should be working on my Japanese speech
{x} current taste: food my mom brought me from my aunt
{x} current hair: down and fluffy
{x} current annoyance: that my speech is tomorrow.
{x} current smell: Febreeze
{x} current thing you ought to be doing: Studying for my Japanese speech
{x} current desktop picture: Big Bang
{x} current favorite groups: Wonder Girls, Big Bang, SNSD
{x} current book: don't have time to read now.
{x} current dvd in player: Don't have a DVD player with me.
{x} current refreshment: Japanese Cherry tea
{x} current worry: Studying for my Japanese speech.. (This is like the fourth time..)
{x} current crush: None at the moment.
{x} current favorite celebrity: Too many to name. |
|
|
| Wow, it's been a while.. |
[Feb. 17th, 2009|10:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Rieber Terrace 4 | ] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | the soft blows of the wind | ] |
You know what, after all this talk about blogging in Japanese class, I decided that I should update this sucker, even if people aren't reading it, just because it's been a while since I have.
As you can tell with the journal not being updated, I've been a busy beaver, still trying to balance four classes on my plate, and so far, it seems doable. Lots more work for Algebra and Japanese, but I'm able to hold it down, so far, and it's past the halfway mark for Winter Quarter! YAY TO THAT!
The RA role has been treating me fairly, though there has been lots of drama around, nothing that I should mention on the blog, but I can tell you that the motivation of doing well this quarter has kicked in. I'm planning to go to office hours tomorrow, and talk to my professor about my recent midterm grades, and possibly for some help, since I'm going to need it.
Shockingly, Geometry the second time around is a pain. We're learning NEW concepts that I didn't even touch last quarter, and it's really pissing me off even more that the midterm was worse than getting my toe fractured and my toe stabbed, in one hour, and living off it for the next three weeks! OUCH! At least, I can weight my final heavily, 80%. Life as a Math major..
Anyways, senior year is flying by SO fast, and there's so much I haven't done that I would like to do, but at the same time, I need to kick up the pace on my study habits, and hope for the best by June. Pray for me, people.
I hope to update again sometime before the month ends, just because I have a lot to say, but I should be working on my draft for Japanese. Shoot me now.. : rolls eyes : |
|
|
| The Boys of Summer.. |
[Dec. 8th, 2008|08:08 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | the Dispatch Channel | ] |
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle. (Using my mp3 player.)
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS! (Though, I am skipping the songs I made on my own.)
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the meme from.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Danity Kane - "Bad Girl"
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Fergie - Clumsy
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Pussycat Dolls - Dontcha
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY:
Beyonce - Deja Vu
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Aly & AJ - Potential Break-Up Song
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Britney Spears - Toxic
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Wonder Girls - Nobody (Rainstorm Remix) (I laugh at this one.. =P)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Dong Bang Shin Ki - Always There
WHAT IS 2+2?
Big Bang - Oh My Friend
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Pussycat Dolls - The Megamix
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Rihanna - Disturbia (That is SO true..)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Mizuno Ami (Hama Chisaki) - Yakosoku (It's a nice peaceful song)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Pussycat Dolls - Hot Stuff (I Want You Back) (OMG..)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Britney Spears - Stronger
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Big Bang - Intro (With U Album)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Fergie - Fergalicious (OMG..)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Big Bang - Crazy Dog (OMG x2..)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Big Bang - Always
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Dong Bang Shin Ki - Mirotic
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Wonder Girls - So Hot [Aliks Extended Club Pop Remix] (I laugh. =P)
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Beyonce - Crazy in Love
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Big Bang - Lies (World Version) (Lie after lie after lie..)
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Wonder Girls - Wishing Upon A Star
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Christine - Yeah! (Wow, a Eurobeat song finally made it to the list.)
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Aino Minako (Komatsu Ayaka) - I'm Here
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Girl's Generation (SNSD) - Kissing You
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Britney Spears - Pieces of Me
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Big Bang - Intro (Hot Issue Album)
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Powerful T. - Original Sin
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Big Bang - Haru Haru (Day by Day)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The Atrius - The Boys of Summer |
|
|
| On the verge of committing.. |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|07:32 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| | sleepy | ] |
I swear I want to just jump out of that goddamn window. Here I am, overworked and underpaid for all the things I did this weekend. While everyone was just chilling out for Thanksgiving, I worked my butt off, pulled a 14.5 hour shift (16 hours, with lunches) and a shift which only let me have a good 5 hours of sleep, and I'm here, holding a radio with a clipboard.
My life is on the verge of spinning out of control and STRAIGHT to hell.
Besides that, at least I managed to keep my contacts on for a good 12 hours, possibly will take them off in a bit, if I am going to get any sleepier, just that I won't pass out. Need to finish my sakubun and study something before I knock out at midnight. And yes, I am passing out at midnight, maybe midnight:30, but I will pass out early, for once.
I'll rant more later, or just post pictures of my gruesome weekend.. |
|
|
| Heading over to Week 9.. |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|01:58 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | Wonder Girls - Nobody | ] |
Quarter's almost over; and make a note that this quarter has been PURE HELL for me since it started. I envy the fact that everyone is almost or is done with midterms, while I'm still stuck with them, on top of that with finals co-existing with each other. How I loathe thee at this point.
I only have a few updates.
I have submitted my JET application. This means, I have a chance that I might be teaching English in Japan by the time graduation rolls around, meaning I have some plans of what I'm going to be doing. Even though I wasted 50 bucks on this, what do I have to lose, you know?
In addition to that, I've been busy catching up on my work since the hell of Week 4/5 ended, and now for the next three weeks, my hell will come back.
I hate Algebra and Geometry. Yes, the words that came out of my mouth and onto this blog are the right words you are hearing; I hate Abstract Algebra and Differential Geometry.
At least I can proof things; it's about time that I did them right. =P
Yeah, and I'm getting my hair chopped tomorrow, so hopefully I can get some studying done while I'm waiting. |
|
|
| Quote from Japanese 50.. |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|08:44 am] |
Me: "I swear, if the professor shows a f***en vacation slide, I'm walking.." |
|
|
| Over the hump.. |
[Oct. 28th, 2008|08:12 am] |
It's Week 5, it's 8 AM, and I'm STILL surprised that I'm still awake during this DRY lecture. Besides that fact, I have one more midterm this week, then I have to wait until Week 9 for my hell to be revived back.
Thank goodness Week 4 came and went; hated that week, just because there were too many things going on, one day to study for a Japanese test, quiz for my Japanese Civilization class; on top of that, had to worry about All-Hill Halloween.
I am SO looking forward to Friday; party after my midterm and just a good time to relax. ^^
Okay, I don't really have anything else to update.. >> |
|
|
| Another Tuesday.. |
[Oct. 14th, 2008|08:39 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Physics Astromony | ] |
| [ | expressing |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | the boring monotone of the professor.. | ] |
Guess what? I'm in my Japanese lecture yet again, and I feel like passing out in this class.
I'm slightly pissed off at the professor for having such DRY lecture, more drier than the Sahara Desert, maybe just as dry as down there and back there. =P
Anyways, I do have a few updates..
My mom stopped by a few days ago, and told me what happened at home. Apparently, last Wednesday, there was ALMOST a break-in into our home. Some African-American dude was trying to pray open my mom's bedroom window but failed. Luckily, my mom was smart enough to have a wooden stick in ALL windows, so we're not allowed to open it all the way, if no one is home, and luckily, my mom was very picky/scared about not having anything blocking. The guy failed, and tried to hop into the house through the kitchen. Luckily, my brother was home and scared the living crap out of him, and luckily for him, the guy was unarmed. There was a police report, and hopefully this doesn't happen again.
Another thing that happened to me, on Sunday. I was walking out of the gym and into Westwood, wondering if I should get anything. Just in case, I decided to check my account, thinking that I might have around 400 bucks left in my account, since I haven't been spending much. So I hear my account was under, and wondered what happened. Luckily, I was close to an ATM and decided to transfer some funds, so my account isn't overdrawn.
Anyways, I went home and found two e-mail receipts from iTunes, saying that I purchased two gift certificates. I was in panic mode, and started to call numbers, but everything was closed by the time I found out. Call iTunes yesterday, and they reported the two charges as fraud, and stopped payment. Now, I have to head over to the bank and deal with this, because I tried calling a few times on the phone, but the call wouldn't go through, especially when I'm trying to report my card lost/stolen. Lucky for me, I caught what happened, and am doing something about it.
The stupid thing the person did; there was an e-mail on the gift certificate. On top of that, they logged into my G-Mail account, and deleted the receipts, so they might have gone through my e-mails, but couldn't find anything. Anyways, they were stupid enough to leave an IP address trace, so I managed to copy it and my own personal IP address, to compare it that I did not log in. Smart enough, I remember that we can locate the location of IP address, and looked it up. And the stupid IP address is in Sri Lanka?!~ WHAT THE FUCK?!~
Anyways, I'm heading over to the bank after class, and hoping that I can put a stop on this, and hopefully I can get my money back.
:sigh: Gotta love the luck I'm having.
Good news, my toe nail has been separated from my skin, meaning my toe nail should be falling off, but they said that I should clip it away, yet one side hasn't loosen up, so I shall not clip it until then, then it would be REALLY cool.. =P |
|
|
| Beautiful weekend |
[Oct. 5th, 2008|10:25 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | Wonder Girls - Nobody | ] |
That's what I would be saying if I wasn't stuck in my room doing so much work to catch up for all the stuff I wasn't doing during Week 1, and it's not my fault that the Japanese Civilization reading is such a drag.
Almost forgot that I added this application to Facebook, yet don't want any of my residents to read it, but also forgot that the privacy lock is just for me. =P
As cooler weather begins to creep into Los Angeles, so is the "comeback stage" of the life of Akira. I only use the term "comeback stage" because of Wonder Girls and their comeback stage with their fourth project, Nobody. Wonder Girls rock on!
Besides that, a re-cap on the past week, because it was a freaken heat wave for two days, then hit below 75 the next two days. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THE WEATHER?!~ It's kind of sad, because I did not prepare to have any summer weather, so all I have is fall clothes, meaning that I've been washing my summer clothes to re-wear again. I KNOW. This is like the first time in ages that I actually have to wash my clothes, because all my other clothes isn't suitable for this weather. (I have a huge chuck of white, gray and black shirts for Part one of my transformation, and very little summer clothes, because of training and whatever I had left in the apartment during my eight-week stay.)
Enough of clothes. I hate the fact that all my classes blow like no tomorrow. But it just means that I have to start scheduling time to go to office hours, since there's no way I can actually do all the Math work on my own. At least I'm catching this in the beginning of the quarter, rather than late in the quarter. ^^
I already formed a bond with my supervisor/boss, and it's a nice feeling being able to talk about things like that out in the blue, because I already feel comfortable enough to tell him my life story and then some. He doesn't know about my personal life, but it's probably going to be like an open book after the next couple meetings.
Being a returner is kind of fun, but at the same time, I've noticed that I'm sort of slacking off at some points, and I really don't mean it. My residents are bomb, and I will be doing more things with them, when I find the time, and ACTUALLY do my homework beforehand and leave my door open so they are MORE than welcome to come and chill out.
Well, just wanted to say that much and I'll probably update more throughout the quarter. I swear that I'm changing my ways, one day at a time. ^^ |
|
|
| One of those days.. |
[Oct. 2nd, 2008|08:31 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Physics Astromony | ] |
| [ | expressing |
| | BORED OUT OF MY MIND.. | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | the light hum of the tower amplified by the mic.. | ] |
Remember those random commercials that you saw with the bored guy at a lecture, wanting to pass out, or finding something that can amuse themselves during the lecture? And something random and FUN pops out of nowhere to make it feel better?
I swear my 8 AM lecture is like this, and I swear the FUN thing can range from a punch in the face, to a computer virus on the main computer.
And I swear, this lecture is like viewing vacation slides, and I swear, if there is even ONE slide on this lecture, I'm walking out.
Besides that, Jeff pretty much reassure me of the reason WHY it was a good thing that I cut off all ties with the ex-. Thanks for that, and I really don't have any doubt anymore.
Okay, I swear I want to shoot myself in the foot, either foot. |
|
|
| Put to retirement.. |
[Sep. 26th, 2008|11:08 pm] |
(05/29/2008)
[19:13] Tom Tran: Jeff.. I need a man.. >>
[19:13] Tom Tran: a better man..
[19:13] Jeff Witt: heh, you'll find one at some point
[19:13] Jeff Witt: just be patient young grasshopper
[19:13] Tom Tran: at the point where the line is continuous..?
[19:13] Jeff Witt: ......sure, why not?
[19:14] Tom Tran: where for all eplison that is greater than 0, there exist a delta that is greater than 0..?
[19:14] Tom Tran: =P
[19:14] Jeff Witt: yeah, goodluck using that to find yourself a man
[19:14] Tom Tran: bitch..
[19:14] Jeff Witt: =p
[19:14] Tom Tran: and I mean it in the worse way possible..
[19:16] Jeff Witt: i know i am
[19:17] Tom Tran: whatever.. |
|
|
| School's just around the corner.. |
[Sep. 21st, 2008|11:22 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Rieber Terrace 4 | ] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | Wonder Girls - Tell Me (w/ Yoobin Rap) | ] |
Well, most of my residents moved in, and maybe it's a good time to update, when I'm feeling partly shitty, possibly from all the stress that I have gathered up throughout the entire month.
Anyways, it's my fault for not updating again; it's been a busy month opening up the building and moving into my room, and grabbing my things from the apartment and moving the sucker into my room.
I guess a good update would be letting you know that I have a black toe for a few weeks. It was my own fault for kicking a door, but I did go to the ER, and it's not going to be a BIG problem, just that I have to get it checked up when school starts, so it's not a BIG deal.
I like my floor, so far. Lots of returners from another floor that's on my team; some people returned back to this floor, and lots of new transfer students, so it'll be a good challenge. Well, there's this one guy who's REALLY into the floor already, and he's making me play volleyball once again, which isn't much of a problem, because I need to get in touch of my volleyball side that I had four years ago. I think it'll be a good thing, especially that I'm making a lot of changes in my life, once again.
I blew a shitload of money this month, mostly because of my random spending, but I'm going to be returning a few things back to Old Navy, so I can put some money back onto my credit card. Yeah, I know, and it's a good thing that I can do this. =P
Well, I'm just looking forward to school to start, so I can start working hard in my classes and get some things done.
Oh yeah, I'm signing up for swimming classes, and probably maybe something else. We shall see in the near future. |
|
|
| Summer is near the end of the line.. |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|06:43 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hedrick 272 | ] |
| [ | expressing |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | Big Bang - Haru Haru | ] |
It's 6:45, and I'm up. YEAH. This is saying a lot, possibly that I couldn't get to sleep on the time I wanted, or that my body clock has been fucked up. Or the possibly that I have too much on my mind, and I guess it's all that is listed.
I met my new staff last night, and mostly, it seems like a chill staff, but at the same time, I realized that a lot of them already have plans after graduation, like they have plans or job offers, while I'm still stuck in limbo, and not knowing what I'm about to do. I guess it's fine but kind of scary at the same time.
And I guess I should talk about the thing that has been bugging me the past couple days. I really don't know why I should mention it, because it's just going to cause more drama with me, and I don't really need that, especially when I'm already stressed out with training, and it hasn't even started. It's with the ex-, and I will admit that I'm jealous that he's already talking to someone new, but at the same time, why am I still dwelling in the past? Some of my friends told me their true opinion of the guy, and it's sort of true; that Bryan is a bit slutty, and I really don't need a guy who's like that, and especially one who's not happy in a relationship and is already thinking about having an open relationship because he wants to make out with other guys, mostly skinny white guys.
You know what? I really don't care, and I'm hoping the guy that he's seeing will pull the same cards that he did to me, and maybe do something worst. And I'll probably say that I don't care if it did happen to him, just because I knew for the fact that it was bound to happen.
Enough sad news. Because I couldn't sleep a few nights ago, I started to type out a list of what things I needed to work on. For example, I started looking up of how to get rid of my back-ne, and that was an interesting thing to find out. Also, I need to look up swimming classes for the Wooden Center, and start looking up internships for next summer, and start planning ahead with my life. Pretty much, all the things I need to get done now and with some buffer time of extra things that I can do.
I just have to take it day by day. Haru haru. |
|
|
| As summer comes to a close.. |
[Aug. 28th, 2008|11:19 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  mellow | ] |
Yeah, I know I haven't updated in a while, and it's my fault since I've been swamped and been too lazy to actually sit down and type something out.
Up to this point, I have done a lot..
I went to Berkeley last week with my best friend, Alan, who moved out to New York, and he wanted to check out the school. To be honest, I feel like I'm sort of glad that I decided not to try for Berkeley, because the atmosphere feels funny to me; I'm more of a clean, high-paced guy, rather than taking it easy. But I have to admit, flying for the first time to Northern California and back in one day was one of the craziest things I have done up to date. And my mother still doesn't know that I went to Berkeley, even though she called me when I was on the way back to the airport and I told her that I was still at Franklin. =P
Been picking up many shifts at work, nothing else to say there, just been a lot of busy work.
Speaking of busy work, I have read 13 books for the summer. AMAZING, right..? Yeah, I've been trying to kill my free time with a lot of book reading, and it's going great, got a lot of books read, especially books I've been wanting to read, but simply didn't have the time during the school year, but now I do! YAY!
If there's anything other updates, I'll update, but so far nothing else. That, and I cut the skin off my right pointy finger with a stupid size chip, so I'm not really in a mood to type much. =P |
|
|
| Good-bye summer apartment time.. |
[Aug. 16th, 2008|09:04 am] |
As I wait for my mom to give me a call, or if 11 comes around beforehand, I'm just sitting in front of my laptop, typing away, while Lidia is still sleeping on the futon.
I can't believe eight weeks have gone by so fast, and that I'm already leaving the apartment. I'm really going to miss everyone at the apartment and the fact that I had a stove to cook food for everyone, and they would cook food for me. I only have good memories of this place, and I feel that I have grown into a better person since I've been living with four other people, whom I only know as a name basis since freshmen year.
But the only bad thing that happened since was pretty much with me in my mind of being bitter about Bryan, and really not directly my attention to other things like my Complex Analysis class, which I think I passed with a C, but I probably won't know until next week or so. I'm scared that I failed the final badly, but then again, it was 11:30 when I left, and people still looked lost, so I have some faith that I passed the class, if some people didn't understand the point of the question. It's fine, and at least I learn from my mistakes in the past, and I will try not to repeat the whole fiasco that happened during Spring Quarter. My plan is to go to Office Hours for my Math classes, get to know my professors and go to TA Office Hours to get help for problems, because I have a feeling that I'm going to need them for the remainder five-six classes of Math I have to take.
Bryan, on the other hand, I really don't know how to start getting over the fact that I need to stop being so bitter about him. I know how we ended was mutual, but I still feel that there's something there that I should keep an eye on, not for a rebound, but maybe something. Again, I believe in karma, and have probably never mentioned what karmatic thing bit me in the butt.
Back in the chapter of Justin, I was the guy who didn't really did much in a relationship, because, well, it was my first time sort of getting that involved into things. And it bit me in the butt when he told Brian Trinh that I wasn't romantic enough. Yeah, that's the thing that bit me in the butt, and I'm totally fine with it, since I learn from my mistakes.
And I will tell you, I did learn from my mistakes; I have never mentioned about my ex-s, except maybe briefly what happen. No names, no faces, nothing else. The people who I'm trying to date/get into a relationship does not need to know any of these things, unless it was absolutely necessary.
Anyways, the chapter of Bryan needs to be finished and a new chapter needs to begin. I really don't remember how I got over Giovanni, but I don't think the same tactic will work, since it took me over two years to get over that fact, and the result that really helped me push me to move on was the fact that he got fat, and he was the same old person he was three years ago, but mostly that he got fat. Bryan, well, it's going to be a little harder. I think I should let nature runs its course, and try to busy myself with other things than rather having my mind wander back into this trap hole.
BESIDES THAT, I should not talk about that, because this is about me leaving the apartment. OMG, Josh came back and I already left his present on his desk, but at least he's being a good sport and not going to open it until after I leave. ^^
AND I made a frame, since Yvonne was sort of riding the apartment the first night, and I just had the time and energy of what I wanted to do. The apartment remembering what I kept playing all summer long, Wonder Girls - So Hot, with blue music sheet pieces of Tell Me (since I couldn't find So Hot) on the frame, and pictures of the Wonder Girls in two different blue leopard outfits, which is so cute!
Alan should be coming back to LA, hopefully, within the evening. Anyways, we're supposedly going to up NorCal for a day or so, to visit Cal, and to check out how the campus is. It should be a nice refresher, going somewhere brand new and having some time alone away from home and not studying my butt off. =P
Anyways, I should finish up packing, or then some. Might be going to work today too, if I get lucky for a shift to fall onto my lap, since I need the moola. =P |
|
|
| Summer slowly coming to an end.. |
[Aug. 2nd, 2008|07:30 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  naughty | ] |
Summer school is over on August 14th, and after that, I'll have two and a half weeks before I have to return to school for restless training.
Besides that, just wanted to chat it up a little bit.
So, as many people had mention, there was an earthquake that hit the LA area this past Tuesday at around 11:42 AM. Lucky for me, I had finished class and was at Wooden, working out. To tell the truth, I did not feel anything, since I was too busy running on a treadmill, finishing my first mile run, getting ready for Mile 2. I was watching CNN on a nearby television, and saw that there was an earthquake in the LA area at around 11:42 AM; I glanced over at a nearby wall clock and saw it was now 11:45, but the earthquake epicenter claimed to be in Chino Hills, and the radius of 25 miles is where people can feel it.
In my head, I was thinking, I guess I didn't feel it; within second after listening to the news, I see a group of people walking out of the weight room and a guy yelling that we need to evacuate the building. And we weren't allowed to return to the building until like half-hour later.
Anyways, lots of family drama happening within the family; well, nothing really affects me. Apparently, my first uncle, Uncle Keith is getting a divorce and Aunt Cindy is returning back to England with Philbert, and probably won't return for quite a while. It's kind of sad to see things like these happening, being my mom the first one to start off with the whole relationship stuff happening, and a domino effect occurring.
And just last night, my third uncle, Uncle Mike, who I haven't seen for a while since the whole incident with Aunt Kelly and Uncle Han and the restaurant spent the night. I was talking to Jeff, saying that I don't really trust him being in the house, since I haven't seen him in a while, and from what he did in the past. My mom owed me an explanation, and I got one; he and his wife got into a fight. And now, my mom is talking to Grandpa about things in general with Uncle Mike.
Besides that, I had a small revelation while Jen was taking me home on Thursday; I don't feel like I'm from my hometown, ghetto Highland Park. Since I've left the city for school, which is STILL in the LA area, just 22 miles away, I felt I have changed so much more than I would have if I stayed around here. Maybe it was the way I was raised, but I felt out of place.
Since I didn't have anywhere else to go, I though that I should stop by the library and CVS, maybe looking at a few things. On the way to the library, I see some little kids, getting into a group, meaning there's going to be a fight. And out of the parking lot from the park, I see three cholos, ready to jump someone, and joining in the fight.
Next, going into the library, I see all these random people, and the library being SO dark, everyone just not happy about a library, and taking advantage of the computers for games or looking at porn (which I did see a few times). No one really sitting down and reading a good book or doing homework (but then again, it is summer), just messing around in a place of education. I felt so out of place, checking out an introduction to analysis book along with a cookbook. All these little kids, checking out the newest cartoon DVDs and picture books, while I'm just dancing to Wonder Girls, "So Hot" track.
I'm just pondering, am I really from Highland Park? I told one of my co-workers my story, and I just don't feel like from here, and he was surprised that I came from Highland Park, because I don't seem like the guy, assuming that I haven't popped a cap on someone.
Ah well, that was just a random thought process I went through, seeing how twenty-one years of my life has already flashed by. |
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| Wow, a new record.. |
[Jul. 18th, 2008|12:04 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | SNSD - Kissing You | ] |
Yeah, I'm updating a bit more frequent, and I guess this is what my boredom will entailed, beside random floating in cyberspace.
And I think it's about time to unleash everything that's been floating in my mind for the past couple days.
( submerge yourself in the life of AKIRA.. )
By the way, Wonder Girls are better than SNSD, hands down.. =P |
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| Spending Thursday afterrnoon at the 図書館.. |
[Jul. 17th, 2008|03:42 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  amused | ] |
Yeah, I'm at Little Tokyo, at the library, trying to get some studying done before my midterm on Monday, but it ain't happening; hopefully, I can get some work down when I get home.
I feel so unmotivated now, except the fear that haunts me, but even looking at that, I felt like I just dodge a bullet rather than taking something head-on. Nonetheless, I should keep this fear while studying for my midterm and upcoming finals, which is like next week, and two weeks after that, respectively.
At the same time, I just want to start again with my Japanese classes, and my "new plan" of studying, which is ACTUALLY reading my Math book before doing homework, and going to office hours, if the TA or professor is good. (During summer, my TA seems to speed too fast during the discussion, but at least he goes through the homework problems.)
And I just remembered that I need to sign up for my class on Monday; gotta love departmental changes, especially when it FUCKS you up for signing up for classes. Good thing is that I got all my Math classes, so it's not a big impact.
Whatever. I should pack up and start shopping for food. I'll try to update a bit more, if possible, because I think I should restart blogging about everything to vent out, since going to the gym is helpful, but for terms about my mental health, it hasn't done much. |
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| Life as a Korean Drama |
[Jul. 15th, 2008|11:56 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| | bored | ] |
I was reading some other blog, and managed to stumble upon a phrase, "My life is like a Korean Drama." And it's true, my life could be made into a Korean drama, if there were some other elements involved, like me making out with my best friend, who is a girl, and is hospitalized the next day because she got involved in a car accident, and how I blame myself for doing something selfish.
No, that didn't happen, but it would make life more interesting if it did. =P
Anyways, back to my story; I would play Wonder Girl's "So Hot" nonstop in the background, because that's the only thing that will keep my mind off of things, especially with that one guy I want to date, but he doesn't seem me as anything. So I would have to go through a transformation, getting rid of my geeky glasses, and my in-style hobo look, and become a drop-dead handsome man that all girls want to get their hands on, but in reality, I like boys.
Only if that was true. =P
Okay, enough of the Korean drama. I'm just blogging because I haven't done so in ages, and I feel like this is a nice way to vent about a few things, mostly school work. Complex Analysis is a pain in the butt, and not the good pain either, the one where you know the cock is WAY too big and no matter how many times you TRY to relax, it still hurts. THAT kind of pain.
To sum it up, I have a midterm on Monday, and I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for it, even if I'm studying a few days in advance; the material isn't sticky too well, but now going back to some of the sections, at least it makes SENSE. I'll just try harder tomorrow, when I'm trying to study again, and finishing up my Linguistic homework.
And speaking of Linguistics, I HATE THAT CLASS. Why is it that all the classes I end up taking are sucky ones..?!~ ARGH!
Yeah, I should go to bed.. >> |
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| It's Week 4, Week 5 during the school year |
[Jul. 14th, 2008|01:47 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  full | ] |
It's been a month since I have last updated, and I sort of can't go to sleep, just because I was a fatty today, and ate WAY too much than I'm suppose to.
I guess I'll start out by saying that I'm halfway done w/ summer school for my Math class, and my Ling class should be done in two weeks or so. So far, I'm hating both of my classes, but I just need to remember that fear. What fear, you might ask..?
The fear that I almost though that I would have to stay another year at UCLA, because of how poorly I did in both of my Math classes, one of which determined whether or not I could take a class during the summer, but I should start from the beginning.
It was mostly because of the midterms for Stats 100C, and not trying in class, often copy of Kelly instead of trying to do my own work, and not being able to attend discussions, but that was not my fault, since my History class was in the way. Nonetheless, I studied my butt off for the final, and made sure that I knew what I was doing during the final, but I guess it wasn't enough to push the grade to a C, at the very least, and I ended up with a D+. I talked to the professor about changing it into a C-, but he wouldn't budge, and that was the first grade I got that scared the living crap out of me.
Second, I had my 131A final, and that thing was crazy, since all the problems were straight from the book, since I highlighted every single problem once I stepped out of the classroom. I figured that I could at least squeezed by with a C-, but I ended up getting the bottom three grades of the final, and freaked out when the D+ got stamped at the bottom of my grades. I quickly went off in panic mode and needed to switch out of the 110A class I was planning to take during the summer into another Stats class.
I found out later that the Stats class didn't count for my major, so I switched to a GE, thanks to Pam, who gave me that idea, so I'm taking Ling 1, and it's not too bad, if you overlook the three-hour lectures. Later on, I checked my grades, and found out that I ended up with a C-, since I guess the professor forgot to input the two homework grades, which I did VERY well in, so I guess that bumped me up.
For that entire week when I was at home, I was freaking out, that and I had jury duty. I didn't know what to do, and knew that I could NOT fuck around any longer, if I wanted to get out of UCLA alive. I know I still have a lot of work to do, since I'm only taking one Math class, and I've been screwing around a bit, but starting tomorrow, I have to buckle down and start re-reading the chapters, because my midterm is on Monday, and the class depends on only the midterm and final, and I'm stuck with a bunch of semi-genius in this class, so hopefully, reading the book again, and working out some of the problems will work to my benefit.
Also, let me point out that my grades slipping had NOTHING to do with Bryan; I did not care about him after the first midterm for Stats; I was more on a withdraw for summer to come and it's here, and I need to work harder to get a good grade in 132, because I can't let my GPA slip down any further.
Complex Analysis, you have met your match, hopefully. |
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| Thoughts before this school year ends.. |
[Jun. 11th, 2008|11:26 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | Wonder Girls - So Hot | ] |
Well, I just found out that my ex removed me from Facebook and Downelink, so I though I would clean up my accounts a bit too. I removed him from MySpace, deleted all the e-mails and pictures I had with him.
I'm not saying that I'm getting even, but it's just the fact that it's better to do it now than later. Also, Jeff did mention that if I wasn't able to be friends with him right after we broke up, then it's possible that we're not going to be down the line, and it's fine with me.
It's sort of a good thing that I'm sort of starting clean again; new cell number, I usually use G-Chat to talk to people, and I have one more year of school left, so I can get the hell out of here and do something with my life.
I really don't care anymore about things, and I have more important things to worry about than sappy love stories that happened in the past. It's called the past for a reason, and the only thing I can do is just look back, and not change anything. I did nothing wrong up to this point, and all my friends are right, if a guy is so immature thinking that he can get away with things, such as making out with other guys, or lies to you about things that you know later will hurt you, then maybe the guy isn't right for me from the start.
I'm not too afraid of the future, and I know that this is just a milestone that I'm going to look back at, and think even though it was a rocky road, I learn something from this; I don't like immature guys, and that if a guy asked you if it is okay if he can make out with other guys while in a relationship, I should break it off when the subject starts, but only if he suggested that if it's okay for him to make out with guys, and not if we're just talking about open relationships in general.
Besides that fact, I wish I could do what Alan is doing, pretty much packing up and moving somewhere else to start a new life. I crave that emotion, just a new breath of air, knowing that I could do whatever I want in this life, without anyone knowing me from the past.
Maybe, after graduation. I might just do it, and escape Los Angeles for a while, just so I can find myself in the real world.
Even though I have a final in three hours, I felt down in the dumps because of everything, but there's a small light at the end of all this, summer. I will have three months to myself, working hard on what I need to get done to get out of UCLA alive with a Math degree, and enough time to find out who I am and what I need to do to get what I want in life.
It's just funny how I look back, I'm looking at my old blogs from Blogspot, and it's just funny how I point out the smallest details, but never the big picture. Like my mom and I going to a restaurant and eating, or seeing a friend at the supermarket. And I even talk about the first things that happened when I entered the gay committee, with Gabriel, with Giovanni, with Justin, and now here's a new chapter.
I mentioned how when I was a junior in high school, I remember walking around, crying to myself, knowing that life sucked because everyone else had boyfriends and I was still single. I was so naive at that time, but I knew at that point, I needed to re-invent myself. Get rid of my nerdy glasses, change my closet into more up-to-date, and now, losing weight and gaining some muscle. But to a certain extend, I sort of lost myself from all the flashy lights of West Hollywood. I wasn't the guy I used to be, the one who was super-studious and took grades seriously. While my image improved, my academics dropped, and it shows now.
I need to go through another stage, I need to find a way that I can balance both. Maybe spend less time on Facebook and Downelink, and more time on my homework or textbooks.
Re-inventing myself. It's just weird seeing myself, and how I was back in high school to now. Change is a good thing, and from what I learned in History of Japan, going back to old ways might create some problems, but if you find a balance of both, you'll become great.
After this final today, I'm going to start packing my things up, and while I'm packing, I'll think about these things, and maybe correct myself on things that I need to work on. I need to learn how to be a better student, to be a better RA, to be a better person, in general.
It's time that I need to move on from junior year, and make the best of my last year as a college student. |
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| Last history lecture. |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|12:27 pm] |
Today is the last lecture, and I just wanted to say, there's a table in the middle of the aisles, like on the seats; the TAs just noticed it like five minutes later; the professor STILL doesn't noticed it.. I'm like, it's RIGHT there, and I noticed it when I walked in. Oi.
I'm almost done w/ my final paper, at least. Just missing one more period, and gave it to my TA to read it, so hopefully it's good enough to get a good grade; hoping for a B in the class, but who knows what could happen?!~
Great, now I do have a question to ask about the paper; I'm going to feel like a nerd. >>
For the bibliography, siting from text/class, put some noticeable page thing. Doing a summary, put a parenthesis. Quoting from somewhere outside the class, put a full reference; can do footnotes or end of paper. Not picky about which format should be used. =P
Japan Today: Challenges and Opportunities
The Ie Persists: Farm Song (1978)
- Multi-generation family
- Patriarchal authority
- Patrilineal descent
- Arranged marriages
- Role-based expectations of:
-> Toshi (household manager)
-> Hisae ("new bride")
-> Oldest son
From Ie to Nuclear Family
- Salaryman's family
-> Mother & Children
--> Kyoiku mama
--> Woman manages household affairs, spending
-> Largely absent dad- spends time at work
-> Small apartment
-> Fathers and "family service"
Family - Variations
- Adult children at home
- Aging parents
- Many women reluctant to many
- Divorce
-> Divorce rate about 1/2 of US but rising
-> Divorce among older couples
Economy: The Bubble Bursts
- Bubble economy: mid to late 80s
-> Rapid rise in stock prices
-> Inflated real estate prices
-> Specultaive marketrs
-> Full employment
-> Comparatively low inflation
-> Spending on travel & luxuries
- Late 1989 - inflations reaches 4%
-> Bank of Japan cuts money supply
-> Sotck prices drop sharply
-> Real estate drop
Reactions & Results
- Increase in bankrupticies
- Early 90s; pump-priming attempts
-> Government-sponsored constructions
-> Ministry of Finances props up stock prices
- Who suffered most?
-> Sub-contractors
-> Day labores
-> Young people just finishing school
- 2003, 25,000 homeless
Social Problems: Youth Unemployment
- Traditional System
-> People enter job market immediately after school
-> Stay with one company
-> Promoted internally
- After the bubble burst
-> Employers cut back on hiring new employees
-> Many graduates couldn't find fulltime jobs
-> Women, high school graduates hard hit
-> Solution: part-time jobs
-> Freeters: long-term part-timers
-> NEETs
-> Accommodation?
-> Resistance?
-> Aging freeters
Hikikomori: Shut-ins
- Young adults shut themselves in their rooms - related to school refusal
- (Like Freeters and NEETS): supported by their parents
- Reaction to pressures to succeed & stigmatization of failure
- Solutions: "elder-sister" programs, half-way houses
The Aging Society
- Long life expectancy
- Low birth rates
- Potential labor shortages
- Pressure on health care
- Not enough income generated to support retired population
- Urban areas: living quarters too small for extended families
- Proposed solutions:
-> Raise retirment age
-> Import foregin food
-> Raise birthrate by limiting abortion
Hanshin Earthquake, 1994
- Centered near Kobe
- 7.2 Richter scale
- 5-6,000 deaths, 300,000+ homeless
- Slow government response:
-> Region not initially prepared for major quake
-> Self-Defense Forces not mobilized for 24 hours
-> Volunteer help including mafia organization
-> Relucatnace to accept foreign help
Murakami Haruki (b. 1949); After the Quake
- Murakami's world
-> Insecurity and alienation
-> Ephemeral relationships
-> Broken & incomplete families
-> Boring jobs
-> Sci-fi fantasy
-> Parallel universes
- Kobe quake as metaphor
-> Sense of ground shifting beneath one's feel
-> Loss of confidence in entire social system
New Religions
- Syncretic nature
-> Shito, Buddhist, Christian elements
-> Promised benefits
--> Healing
--> Prosperity
-> Sense of community
--> See "All God's Children Can Dance"
- Tenri
- Nichiren Shoshu
The Sarin Gas Attack
- AUN Shinrikyo
-> Religious cult headquarters near Fuji
-> Apocalyptic visions
-> Preoperty holdings
-> Membership included young, well-educated engineers, scientists
- 1995, poison gas episode
-> 15 Tokyo subway stations
-> 12 people killed, many injured
- Government reaction
-> Location, near government center
-> Perpetrator arrested quickly
-> Leader (Asahara) sentenced to death
- Popular reaction
-> Loss of confidence in public safety
Politics in the Postwar Years
- Liberal-Democratic party (LDP) dominates
- Suport from:
-> Agriculture
-> Business
- Foreign policy based on alliance with US
-> US-Japan Secutiry Treaty
- Main opposition: Socialists
-> Labor support
-> Critical of US
- Other oppostion
-> Communists
-> Komeito
Challenges to LDP Dominance
- Economic stagnation and fiancial scandals
- Mid-90s: LDP splinters
- 3 non-LDP coalition governments
-> Including one PM from Social Democratic (former Socialist) party
-> LDP regroups and wins 1996 election
Dealing with the War
- Problems: loss and war guilt
- Textbook controversy
- Revisionist thinking
- Yasukuni shrine visits
-> Problem: war criminals enshrined along with other war deeds
-> Should politcans visit in official capacity? Should they visit at all?
-> Koizumi: official vists offended China, SE Asia
- Emperor's role
Revising the Constitution
- Erosion of pacifist state
- Japanese military
-> National Police Force -> Self Defense Forces
-> 4th largest armed force in world in terms of spending
-> Japanese troops sent to Iraq
- June 2005, LDP drafts Constitutional revision deleting Article 9 |
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| Too lazy to open up a new Word document.. |
[May. 29th, 2008|01:05 pm] |
I'm in History class, and I'm SO bad, not paying attention in class, YAY..!~
Anyways, I'm suppose to be taking notes, and I should, but eh. I pretty much gave up last week, just because the lectures were too dry, and other people seem not to be paying attention. Hence, I have joined some of the people, and decided to bring my laptop to entertain me, but there's really nothing much to do, since I really have no use for this, except to read the PowerPoint slides that are going to posted about today's lecture.
Great, now my professor talking about some random manga page, and it's really like.. WTF?!~
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I came into my lecture half-hour late, since I was running back to my room to get Kelly's notebook and then grabbed my laptop, because I know I'm probably going to need it for late today, during discussion, since I haven't read anything. And I ran to MS to drop off Kelly's notebook and then I'm here, and I think I'm slowly breaking out in hives, since I just literally shoved my sandwich in my mouth.
Educational System
Public school education
- 9 years compulsory
- Most students continue through high school
Universities
- National & prefectures universities
- Private universities
- Junior colleges
Exam Hell
- Goal: enter elite university
- Kyoiku mama: education mothers
University Life
- Making connection
- Sleeping through finals!
Meritocracy?
- Large # of universities
- Tuition relatively low
- Entrance competition stimulate cram schools (juku)
- (Money still counts)
Heh, she's talking about the education life at Japan. I know somewhat about it, because of Japanese, and we have some foreign students talk about it. Nothing different from my family, except that I'm glad that my mother never sent me to another school after I was done with school in general.
I envy them, I rather go through hell during high school, and during college, just to chill out. In college/university, they just chill out..!~ Wow, students falling asleep during Finals! I want to do that during my Math classes..!~ AH!~
Anyways, I'm so bored; nothing better to do, except that I could work on my Japanese sakubun right now, but I really don't know what to type. =P
Permanent Employment
- Limited to large firms
- Never more than 1/3 of all employees
- Salaries tied to seniority not performance
- Job changes discouraged
- Risk-taking & innovation discouraged
- Mid-90s: permanet employment seen as problem not solution
Sub-contractors & Day Labor
- Jobs darmed out to sub-contractors
- With employees who can be laid off
- System allows flexibility
- Exploitative
- Bottom rung: day laborers
: sigh : I hate Week 9, so much work to do before Finals Week. I have so much work to do from here on out; two Math assignments due tomorrow, the oral interview for Japanese on Monday, and my sakubun..
Protest Movements 1960s-70s
- Student protests
-> Japan's support for US in Vietnam
-> University policies
- Campus strikes
- Japanese Red Army
-> Lod airport massacre 1972
-> Airplane hijackings
Narita Airport Protests
Narita airpot
- Construction began, 1969
- Farmers objected to expropriation of their land
- Assisted by student union Zengakuren
- Airport opening delayed until 1978
Environmental Pollution
- Rapid postwar industrial growth -> severe air pollution
- Citizen protests
- Minamata disease
-> Mercury posioning from Chisso chemical factory (1950s-60s)
-> Victims sued Chisso government (early 70s)
-> Out of court settlement, 1995: government denies responsibility
Images of Japanese Society
- The West (US) favors the individual, Japan favors the group
- Consensus decision-making
-> Everyone participates
-> Public disagreement discouraged
- Honne vs. tatemae (reality vs. public image)
-> When is it OK to break the rukes?
- Indirect discourse - how to say no
- Images in service of established power
The West "Reads" Postwar Japan
Japanese literature
- English translations
- Nobel prize winners
Kawabata Yasunari: Nobel Prize 1968
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| What to do.. |
[May. 27th, 2008|04:05 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| | busy | ] |
Well gang, it's Week 9; just two more weeks for my dream of summer comes to a reality! YAY!
Anyways, just wanted to updated you people who still reads my journal. I'm still alive, and waiting for summer to come. Lots of work to finish up before the school year ends; mostly a lot of random crap, like Math homework, Stats homework, Japanese readings and practicing Japanese.
I acutally did a lot of work over the past weekend, just working on stuff before finals hit, like my Japanese History paper, which it is right now 2.5 pages in the making, and I actually read for my Math class, and knew what the defintion of conutious fuction is! YAY!
Yeah, I'll probably update more later on; just wanted to give everyone a head's up of what I have been up to. Also, not sure if I mentioned, but I got a camera.. ^^ |
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| May 11, 2008 |
[May. 12th, 2008|12:25 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| | melancholy | ] |
As you can tell, I had updated the LJ, but I haven't had time to fix the kinks in it.
Anyways, I just wanted to say something; in the life of AKIRA, another chapter has been closed, and another one waits to be open.
What I'm saying, at 12:01 AM, on May 11, 2008, I ended my relationship. It was more of a mutual agreement, and that both Bryan and I had our differences, and that it would be best if we stepped down from being boyfriends to being strangers, for now. It's better to give him a few months to get his life back together, before (if it happens) that we become friends.
But for now, I need to re-focus my energy back to schoolwork. Week 7 doesn't mean anything, unless my butt is crapping a lot of papers out.
And for those people who want to know, I had mentally prepared myself for this, and had a good cry about this in Bryan's car; remembering all about the past and why I am here today. I will be fine, and I have moved on since the last time Bryan stepped foot in my room.
I will be fine, people; don't worry about me. ^^ |
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| The aftermath.. |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|09:31 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  cold | ] |
I haven't updated in a few days because I've been swamped with a lot of things. But there has been some updates..
Well, I found out what happened of why my b/f has been avoiding me and such; he doesn't find me attractive anymore and that he just wanted some space. And he's been avoiding me since, using his school work as a cover-up of not talking to me.
I want to break up, simple as that. I can't stand a person who avoids a problem and not be a man and talk things out, and especially when he said that he was going to talk to me about it and doesn't, and it's been four days.
Now I remember why I don't like relationships; on top of that, why was I going through my old crap with Giovanni?
Need to move on; I have more important things, if he doesn't see me as important anymore. |
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| Been quite a while.. |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|05:55 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | Wonder Girls - Tell Me | ] |
Anyways, I feel like I should update a bit, just because I have nothing better to do, except that I'm super stressed out about random crap that a lot of people don't know about.
Maybe I'll type up what I wrote down during Analysis class..
"10:25 AM: I have just realized I had lost my drive to do so great in school.. I need to find it again; no more slacking off. I need to quit complaining and work hard, not for my mom, and not for Bryan, but for myself and my future."
Why did I say that? I had a rocky start for Spring Quarter, and it's still rolling.. Rolling, rolling, rolling, keep them prices rolling. Stupid Wal-Mart commercial. =P
Anyways, if you can see the previous entry, that's sums it up, and I'm still going through all of that crap, and it's still going through my mind. If you can't, well, I guess you're going to have to ask me straight up about it. Then again, who still read this journal? I just update whenever I can or need to vent for a bit, because I can't always go to someone and bitch about all my problems to. At least this way, I can bitch, and people can read.. =P
Also, I'm just going to re-open this to Facebook; I have got to know a lot of my residents, and I'm pretty sure they won't read some of these things that I type. There's really nothing back going on, and if there was, it would be Friend-Locked. Maybe people would read it, and understand all the stuff I'm going through at this point. I'm going to filter my entries, though.
Only if summer was here.. |
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| A few days.. |
[Mar. 23rd, 2008|11:49 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| | amused | ] |
Well, Spring Break is here for me, and I just wanted to updated a bit.
I'm actually in a mood to vomit; I'm not sick or anything, but just looking at some pictures about the name-that-will-be-unmentioned. I got bored, because Ivy, Irish's twin, who works at PacSun, next to my store, told me that some guy from high school came back, and I went on MySpace to look for him but didn't have any luck and decided to check something else, and stumbled upon this one.
Anyways, long story short, want to vomit, BADLY.
Besides that, things have been doing great. I'm turning 21 in a few days, so kind of exciting yet nerve-wrecking at the same time. I'm going to be legal, and that's not funny anymore. I can't joke around about going to get trashed, because I can get trashed, if I feel like it.
And I guess I promise you people what my new thing with my life is..
Yeah, this is Bryan, the guy I was talking about. He's my new interest, and I <3 him to death. He's been good to me, and we had some rough spots, but we got over it, you know?
He's the thing that is keeping me on track with school and not letting my mind wander off to what's-his-face thing. I'm happy that I found him. ^^
I guess like a lot of people have been saying; I know I met him on-line, but he's a good one, not like the previous ones that turned out to be jerks and wanting to STILL kick them in the groin, but am resisting so much.
And this is the guy I went clubbing with, and had a blast, and started making out on the dance floor. Yeah, he's a wild one, but he has a kind and gentle heart, which none of the previous bastards had.
I don't want to go on with this bashing, but I do want to say one more thing; WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING IN THE PAST?!~ OMG.. I'm glad I got a reality check.
Okay, no more, I promise, or at least for this entry. ^^
To continue on, grades are slowly being posted up, and so far, I passed Game Theory, one of the hardest classes I've taken, and luckily, I passed the class. And yes, I'm still a Math major, and STILL a Japanese minor, and will continue this for the rest of the time I'm at UCLA. I'm still debating maybe going to Japan for a year or so, and get the fuck out of the US, just because I need to travel and do something with my life, and teaching isn't too bad. I can teach English and Math, I guess. It shouldn't be TOO bad, as long as I don't teach them cuss words.
Maybe it would be better if I went to Hong Kong instead. We'll see what happens; I really don't know what's in store for me in the future, but so far, I like my life as is.
Oh yeah, back to the story that lead to my bitching.
Anyways, Ivy works as a manager at PacSun, and I stopped by, since she stopped by Old Navy a few days ago to see whether or not my store was open on Easter (which is was) and see how I was doing. So I just returned the gesture and visited her, and she told me a story. Apparently, Travis (named Jose back in middle school, YEAH, WAY BACK THEN) moved away for a while. This I sort of did not know, since I only saw him once, I believe back during freshman year at Franklin, but didn't know what happen to him after that. Continuing on, Ivy told me that he moved to New York to be with his boyfriend, and they moved to Florida for a while, then things didn't work out and Travis is back in LA.
Anyways, Ivy told me that she's been hanging out with him for a bit, and she might drag him to go out with us (her, Irish and me) to celebrate my birthday, even though I don't know if I'm going to be doing anything with the boy toy. Don't really care where we go, I guess. I just want to have a bit of fun with some people that I have known for a while, and Joyce SUCKS for ditching me to go up to NorCal with her friends.
Well, at least I get to hang out with Alan tomorrow, and possibly Helen sometime this week. Yeah, a lot of people have been yelling at me that I shouldn't be working so hard and I should be relaxing during Spring Break, but when you're broke and you need moola, sitting on your butt isn't going to get you anything.
It's fine; I'm taking a day off to go to the eye doctor, to FINALLY get my eyes checked, and hang out with Alan, and to get a few things at Michael's in Pasadena, since the Santa Monica store seems to be a bit small and doesn't have some of the things I need to finish up my passive boards. I should have enough moola for stuff; if not, I'm going to return some of the things I bought today. And I have been a good boy, and haven't bought much since I started working.
Okay, I should really get to bed. I'll update more if anything big happens. ^^ |
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| End of Week 10.. |
[Mar. 14th, 2008|03:28 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| | blank | ] |
So yeah, It's Friday, and Happy PI day to everyone! Yeah, only Math geeks get that.. =P
Anyways, just wanted to talk for a bit, since I'm a bit sleep deprived from working on my Math and Stats homework last night. Gosh, staying up until 1:45 AM at Bruin Cafe isn't a great feeling when you have an 8 AM class the next day! AH!~
So I have a lot of studying since my finals are next Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, then Spring Break! WOO!~ And I'm working all of Spring Break and working on passive boards.
Up to this point, lots of busy things to do, but so little time; I'm probably going to start studying or working on passive boards today, just because I need to do something with my ONLY weekend night off from duty. And I don't have class until Wednesday.
Other than that, I'm just not in a mood to do much, and wanting to cuss someone out, but that's just me.. |
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| Week 8 blues.. |
[Feb. 25th, 2008|10:17 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | PIC lab | ] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | http://youtube.com/watch?v=FM_lH61t0HI&feature=related | ] |
I know, it's been a while, and I though I should update, since I have some time before my next class, and I have nothing really much to do. =P
As some people already know, and I might as well mention it here; I'm taken, and it's already been about three weeks or so. Yeah, I'm happy for the fact that I have found a boy that likes me for me, and nothing else. ^^
He's been good to me so far, unlike the unnamed jerks that should not be mentioned anymore because I have been over them butt holes since the start of junior year, and along with that, there will be an update about what happen, under locked entries, and I PROMISE that I will put that up as soon as possible, I need to make a note of this, in case.
So basically, since I have last updated, I have been addicted to Korean Pop, and it's SO bad that I've been playing the same song over and over, and it was the song that I wouldn't think that I would get addicted to, but I did..!~ Yeah, it's the song that's popular since last year, Wonder Girls - Tell Me, and what's even worse.. I know the whole dance routine. >>U
On top of that, lots of drama happened in my life, mostly dealing with my status as an RA. I won't go into detail with that in public; it'll be attached to the whole friend-lock entry that I will get to sometime this week. But what I can say is, I will be happy whether or not I return back to the place I wanted originally. =P
As for school, taking four classes looks like a lot, but I'm actually handing it VERY well, despite the fact that it's three math classes, and Japanese. My Japanese still SUCKS, but at least I can read kanji at a rate where I can drop kick someone. ^^
What else? Uh, it's week 8!~ ARGH!~ And this is the first time that I have a midterm this late, rather than Week 7, when I usually can't do Dance Marathon, but I only morale. =P
Besides that, I don't know what else to update on, except all that drama. I hope everyone is doing fine, and I'm really sorry that I don't update much, and I know that I haven't changed my layout since last year, but I just haven't had the time to do that. Probably during spring break or something.. =P
Good luck with midterms people!~ |
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| My adventure to jury duty, Part I |
[Jan. 22nd, 2008|07:03 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  bitchy | ] |
Why might ask why Part One; it will be explained at the end.
So I woke up at 5 AM, couldn't sleep any more, and got ready to go to jury duty. It was raining decently when I was waiting at the bus stop, in the dark until 6:30. The bus came, and I managed to figure out that out of all the passengers, I was the only one traveling the far-est, since the two that were on when I step into my stop were LONG gone.
Anyways, I saw some interesting stories happening; one REALLY hit me hard. Before that, I was sort of getting scared that I might be lost, but I started to noticed a few things here and there. The strip joint that I stopped at during Winter Training last year, a few Red Line stops where Alan took me, in Hollywood and in Silver Lake, so I knew I was getting close, and running by an apartment place where the people who housed my father when he first arrived to America.
Back to my story, it seemed like the most daylight was showing, the more people were getting on the bus. This one hit me hard, a family of three kids, about elementary and middle school and their mom, riding the bus. They got on in a bad part of Hollywood, and the mom got off a few stop after, assuming that she had to work around there, and hopes that her kids gets to school safety. It's like with me and my mom back in the days of elementary/middle school, even though school wasn't too far (15 minutes, when I was little; now 10 minutes), she woke up with us, and walked us to school, in rain or shine. I remember back in the day, I would watch the Japanese channel, because they had subtitles for the news, and I learned so many different things about Japan. Maybe that's the start of why I want to minor in Japanese. =P
So I got to the courthouse fine, with a few minutes to spare, and de-armored everything, just to be on the safe side, and re-armor back. Waited for the crowded elevator to take me to the 11th floor, and saw that there are a LOT of people already waiting for doors to be open, which was 8 AM. The lady told us to do a few things, and we started to file into a small room. I made conversation with a lady who had the same week as I did, and the same group and we both postponed the jury date to the same week, hence today. She was really nice, and had to take the train here, so it wasn't as bad as me. And I told her my story about waking up at 5 AM, and dragging my butt here as a full-time student.
And here it comes. A heavy set lady in red, the woman who told us directions of what to do, said that there has been an error in the computers, and the room isn't big enough to handle the capacity of people already in here, she called it a "fire hazard." (If you know me, I would be rolling my eyes, and I did. =P) Anyways, she said that the group numbers she does not call out may go home, BUT they must call back again tomorrow. I though it was total BS, because first, they should have CHECKED before the long weekend, and second, they should have mention SOMETHING when you have noticed there were a HELLA lot of people waiting in the hallway!
So I got out at 8:30, and decided that since I'm already here, why not go visit mommy? And I did, walking in them new killer Kenneth Cole Reaction shoes that I have been DYING to get. I walked over to my mom's workplace and said hi. She sounded REALLY sick, but still working her butt off. She said that she couldn't drop me back off, but I wasn't hoping she was going to take me back. I saw my Aunt Kim and a few other people, saying how handsome I got, compare to Christmas time. I decided to make a trip to Little Tokyo, again, since I'm already here and missed my Math class.
Took the train from Chinatown to Union Station, walked to Little Tokyo, and realized that a lot of the places aren't open at 9:30-ish. DAMN. Decided that I was only going to Marukai to get food and head back. Got some food at the nearby cafe, and waited for the market to open up. Got more food and started to head to the nearby Red Line train station.
Pretty much, I was doing what I did in summer session, except in reverse; I took the Purple Line back to Wilshire/Western and took the Rapid 720 back to Westwood. Thank Yarell and her blessed soul for telling me about that bus. I got back to school around 11:30-ish, dropped off my things and headed back onto campus, since I'm already back, why not go to class?
Went to class, and went to work, and called up jury duty again. And I have to go back again tomorrow, one of the bad days to go in, since I have ALL my classes tomorrow. :sigh:
At least I know what to do/wear/bring with me.
Anyways, watching the sun go up reminds me about something special; knowing that it was a brand-new day, and that a special guy out there is thinking about me. ^^ |
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| One of those moments.. |
[Jan. 19th, 2008|12:29 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| | determined | ] |
Many don't know, but I'm sort of seeing someone at this moment.
I'm just updating right now, because I just finished watching one of the best movies I though, was a really tear-jerker. Latter Day; I just spend a good chuck of time watching that movie, and it was a really good one.
Maybe it was the aftermath, possibly ten minutes after the movie, things started to run through my mind, things that hurt me so much in the past, and I'm at this moment where I can have a brief moment of happiness, in hopes that it lasts more than just a moment.
All I could think about was that time where my life pretty much did a 180; my parents splitting up, me afraid of failing another Math class, contemplating whether I should stick Math out, and why I am still single? Is there some signs that could help me guide my way through? At that point in time, I didn't know, and I think it was the same time I got into an argument with Jeff. I though my world wasn't going to recover at all. Then again, I always had doubts about myself and my life. Why Giovanni was acting the same way he was with me, why I cried for Gabriel, even though he was non-existent in my life, or why I even bother to deal with crap from Justin?
Just one little thing made all of that worth it, Bryan saying that he wished he met me sooner. If he had met me sooner, I would have been a wreck; a lying bastard, a flake and a guy who was a little too full of himself that he needed to break away from the mother's tit. I'm not trashing all those guys I just mention, but it's just the fact of all those experiences I had with those guys almost scared the living daylights out of me, and reason why I'm so used to being independent and not really caring if anyone loved me or not. Heh, that went on for a year and a quarter, and I'm glad I had that time to heal a bit.
Like my mother said, if you don't like something about someone, just remember, don't mimic their actions, but change it. I'm more honest to people about things, and I'm more upfront about things too; I don't believe in the fantasy world where I think the guy can be the perfect boyfriend/husband of the future, but more along the lines that, "Hey, that guy actually is going somewhere in his life; he's an inspiration to me."
Now that I think about it, I told Jeff that I found a reason why I should try harder this quarter, because I wanted to impress Bryan that I can do something with my classes, rather than getting just Cs in everything. And after checking my DPR (thank you Jen Webb), I noticed that I have to be above a 2.0 to quality for the Math major, so I have to kick my butt into high gear and no more Cs, I have to aim higher, and work hard to get the grades I want. No more dancing around with crap, but more studying and understanding. So far, it hasn't been working, but Week 3 is a new week, and I'm determined to pass my classes. |
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| Winter Break 2007 |
[Dec. 30th, 2007|10:03 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| | cold | ] |
I just looked over all my entries, and noticed that I haven't really been updating this sucker that much. Time flies and I've been a busy bee to actually sit down and type about a few things.
Winter Break, for me, is almost over. I have to head back to UCLA on the 3rd, just because I have to prep for opening the building. Since then, I only had three official days off from work; the 21st, the 25th and today. YEAH, I've been a busy bee at work, yet all my money had gone down the drain, because I have bought too much clothes and presents for people, but it's okay. I have two paychecks coming my way, one next week, when school starts, and one any day now from Labor Day, because I haven't gotten that check for the longest time.
Work has been up and down, just because I've been pulling full 8 hour shifts, and then some since I came back home. However, some of my coworkers noticed something different about me. I guess maybe it's just that I grew up a bit more since I last saw them. That, or my experiment with different styles has REALLY changed me.
Well, for my down time, I managed to finish a book, and work on some of my passive boards, since I need to get those done by the weekend of opening. Thankfully, I had them planned out, or at least the backing, since Week 5 of Fall Quarter.
There is a lot of stuff that happen when I was at work; saw a lot of people from high school and one of my residents, saw a Mad TV cast member, and saw an affair happening. You gotta love Old Navy because of all of that..!~
Anyways, I should probably go. I just wanted to make sure that people know I'm alive and well. I might do something for New Years on here, just because. =P |
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| Finals Week: Day 1 |
[Dec. 9th, 2007|03:50 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| | bitchy | ] |
Well, it's Sunday, and I have a final tomorrow early-afternoon, for Math 115A, and let's just say, I don't think I'm ready, knowing all those inner product spaces, and adjoint.
We shall see. I'm still debating whether or not to start studying for Stats 100A tonight or wait until after my final tomorrow. I think I'll do okay in that class, since the professor did mention several times to look at the notes we had in class, and I noticed that there's going to be a proving problem, and something relating to z-scores, which I can do.
In short, I'm screwed either way, if I don't start starting my butt off about Inner Product Space. Gosh I loathe thee..
It'll be over, and this Linear Algebra hell will be over, then Game Theory will appear.. :tear:
And I just realized that I haven't changed my scheme in a LONG time.. I'll probably do that during Winter Break or something.. |
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| Sounds like me.. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2007|11:46 am] |
| [ | expressing |
| | amused | ] |
Just out of random, I found this, and it sounds like me..
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net |
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| Writer's Block: Giving Thanks |
[Nov. 23rd, 2007|10:08 am] |
1) My family - Without my family, I wouldn't have a roof over my head, and wouldn't be able to go to school at all. I'm glad, even though I was on the verge of snapping at people because I was at school for so long, I have a family to come back to, even if it has taken a few hard hits. I'm happy enough that I'm able to go back home when I want to.
2) My health - This goes with what happen with my foot the other day. I'm just glad that the fall/trip/slip wasn't as bad as I though it was going to be. On top of that, I've maintained a good standing with my health as the years flew by. My mother said that when I was a kid, I used to get sick ALL the time, but now that I'm somewhat a grown adult, my immune system has been better to me, and I've been taking care of it. On top of that, I'm just glad that I'm able to walk around and work out to the fact that it isn't a chore, but more of a lifestyle.
3) My education - I'm one of the lucky ones that got into UCLA at first application. Also, I know so many people that wanted to be Math majors when they were coming into UCLA, but they changed it. But guess what? I'm still a Math major, and still going strong, even with all the hits I had in the past. I may be tired out, but I'm still kicking it strong.
4) My fashion sense - I might sound a little abstract (thank you Linear Algebra), but it's somewhat explainable. My fashion sense came with years of honing down, from working at Old Navy for three years, learning a whole bunch of techniques from my mother, and the corruption of art that I've gained from my best friend (of whom I have known for about 10 years) and my Art teacher back in high school. My fashion sense isn't one of those things that you can pick up on the streets, it's gained with experience from all of these things. Without this, I wouldn't be able to define myself from everyone else (or at least, from all my Math classes).
5) Being an RA - RA is short for "Resident Assistant". Out of all my life, I would not think I would be taking care of 91 kids, and all of them aren't mine! It's been fun making sure that my residents are in tip-top shape, and making sure that they have someone to go to if they need something or need someone to talk to. I was a nervous wreck going through the process, but luckily, I was the ones who got picked up, and on top of that, I got picked up because of my creativity. I'm sort of glad now that I'm at a different building from where I started, because I like change, even though I hated it in the past. Change is good, most of the time. Being an RA also changed the way I act towards people, just because it makes you aware of some of the things you SHOULD do in front of your residents. I think because of this, one of the managers at Santa Monica though I was another manager from a different store.
6) Being at UCLA - Dude, it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience just to be attending a famous school. I'm just glad that I got in, and I have to thank Andrew, actually. He was the reason why I'm at UCLA, and the reason why I'm fighting hard to get through school. Maybe I should elaborate a bit, since this happened like three-four years ago.
I sort of had a crush on Andrew when I was a senior in high school, and he was a second year at UCLA. At the same time, I was reading something else, and found out that he liked a guy from Chattsworth, and found out things about him; the LtG of Key Club D25, President of the Math club, played Volleyball for two years, and had a high GPA. After I went through a hell moment, I said to myself that I needed to prove to Andrew and to myself that I can get into UCLA with all the hard work that I did in high school. With that new flame burning inside of me, it was my goal during senior year that I needed to get into UCLA and made sure that I do it with any means possible.
So, I busted my butt and became active. I was in JV Volleyball, being the best server on the team, with around a 90% serving rate (I only missed two hits, one because I was sick, and the other was because I was being an idiot); I was the student secretary for the vice-principal of operations; I was working two jobs, one at the Student Store, and the other at Old Navy, and I placed 5th in my class. And I'm at UCLA! The other guy, he's at UCI; he got rejected to UCLA.
7) My ability to speak another language - Not many people know how to speak another language, and I'm glad that I can speak TWO, or at least 1.5. It's fun speaking another language, especially when you need to say something to someone when you don't want that someone to know what you're saying. Also, it's to my advantage to know another language, just because.
8) Giovanni - I know people are saying "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING THAT FUCKER'S NAME ON YOUR JOURNAL?!~ I THOUGH HE'S OUT OF YOUR LIFE ALREADY? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU LET HIM COME BACK?!~" It's okay, and I'm not talking to him still. I'm just thankful I got the experience of Giovanni, because of him, my life has changed to a better path, and more of the reason why I need to graduate UCLA, and rub my diploma in his face. See, don't you see the change in me?
I'm just thankful that I had to deal with him and his lying cheating bastard arse. And even though it DID take me two years just to finally cut his sorry butt off, I'm glad that I had the support from my friends to help me get over him. And karma was and still is on my side, he's getting fatter within the months, and I need to get back to working out and making sure that I have everything better than he does; I have a college education and even though I'm not a manager of a store, I would have been close to being one if I didn't go to school, but I decided that having a college degree is more important in life than seeing all the money I can make now.
Giovanni also shaped the way I look for guys now; I have a higher standard with guys, and I don't tolerate lying anymore, not even one little lie. That is all of the bitch fest I'm going to do about him for now, because I have better things to do with my time.
9) My job - I still have my job at Old Navy, after three years of hell/hiatus, the managers are nice enough to keep me around and give me hours when I come back home, and now I can pick up hours at Santa Monica, closer to school, when I need to. I have managers that love me enough to keep me around, and noticed how hard I work, and those managers still remember me, even if they went to a different store.
10) YOU! I'm thankful to have people still reading my journal, even I don't update as much as I should anymore, with my busy life. I'm just glad some people still read this, just to check up on me, or read it out of boredom, but still!~
Anyways, I should go now, and STOP writing.. Have a great Turkey break..!~ |
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| Week 8.. |
[Nov. 20th, 2007|03:04 pm] |
| [ | expressing |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | blasting |
| | Fahrenhti - Chu Shen Ru Hua | ] |
I know it's been a while since I have updated, but I think this is the perfect time to do so, just because I'm sort of on an off-mood.
I didn't think about it until a few days ago; it's been almost a whole year since my father left the family. Good and bad things came with that: getting adjusted to the new situation, dealing with financial problems on top of academics, and wondering whether or not I should drop out of UCLA to go back home to help my mom out.
One year of hell has passed, and I guess the reason why I'm feeling in this mood is NOT because of that sudden event that threw all of our lives (mother, brother and I) into a loop, it's NOT because I was still contemplating whether or not I should settle down as a Math major, it's NOT because I messed up my foot a few weeks ago, and I'm still limping around like a dog with a hurt paw, it's NOT because I have been cooped up in my room for such a long time without my mom visiting me, it's NOT because I bombed my Stats midterm, and found out that I got the lowest grade in the class, and it's NOT because I only have two more weeks of the school year, before another quarter starts. It's the fact that it's Thanksgiving, and I feel like nothing has been resolved, even after a whole year has gone by.
I don't know, seriously. I feel like I'm swimming around in my own sorrow and that no one really cares what happens to me. Come on, my life hasn't been the same since I entered UCLA, yet alone being an RA. There's just those times where I want to curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out because I have gone through so much stuff, and still, nothing has improved.
I can say, at least I did one that I don't regret what-so-ever, cutting all connections with Giovanni. It never felt so good to do something that has been hanging over your head for the past two years; something that has been annoying the living crap out of me, like riding on a carousel and trying to grab that brass ring in the middle of the sucker. Holden from Catcher in the Rye knew that he has grown up after failing to attempt this when he was a little kid, and seeing someone else doing it. I felt, it's time to enter reality; Giovanni is still the same lying jerk that he was two years ago, and he hasn't changed his act, even after two years of what happen. Unlike him, I have changed my own personal opinions on things, and expect a higher standard on guys.
Also, school has been hitting me like a paint-ball gun. Repeatedly, and hurting like a huge bitch. I felt like I lost the spark I used to have in the past, the one that kept me going, even when I was feeling down and beaten up on the floor. I feel like the willpower for me to continue on is gone, like I just want to let life take over, and run me over. Maybe going back home for Thanksgiving might cheer me up and realize why I'm at UCLA, doing a Math major and a Japanese minor.
Anyways, I should leave it as it right now. I'll update during the break, just because I only have work when I head back.. |
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| Week 6.. |
[Nov. 9th, 2007|11:23 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | DD ORL | ] |
| [ | expressing |
| | listless | ] |
Yeah, it's been a while since I have updated.. Been REALLY swamped with things, you know..
Funny story of WHY I'm updating now.. I injured my foot last night by playing DDR; however my story is going to be that I saved a cat, and the car ran over my foot. =P
I have one more midterm in a few weeks, before Thanksgiving, and I'm thankful this is a three day weekend, so I can rest up the entire weekend, in hopes that my foot stops swelling up by Sunday, and I hope it does. =P
I'll just put my foot into a box full of ice and hope that it will work.
Memo to self: Never play DDR that intense ever again.. =P |
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| Tonight's the night.. |
[Oct. 24th, 2007|08:55 pm] |
Tonight is almost over, and I'm sort of glad/sad it is. Tonight was All-Hill Halloween, where little kids from around come to the UCLA Resident Halls and trick-or-treat because they really can't around their area.
Just looking at these kids and their parents kind of punched me hard in the heart; I am really fortunate that I lived in a neighborhood that was decent enough to go trick-or-treating around. On top of that, I am fortunate enough to attend UCLA, to help these kids out, because it's really hard for a kid not to have normal holidays.
It kind of makes sad to see all the parent's faces, looking all tired from a long day's work, and going to a huge school where they don't know ANYONE there, to make their kids happy, but having a smile on their face, knowing that their kids are having the best time in their lives, doing something that not many people can do. It made me think about my mother, and all those sacrifices she made and still making, to make sure that my brother and I get the best we can get.
I'm sometimes think about how scary it is not to have a boyfriend, but what's even more scarier to me is that, what would had happen if my mom wasn't there to support me all the way through? Would I be at UCLA, doing what I'm set out to do? Would I had the life that I lived in for the past twenty years? Would I even be the same person that I am now?
I'm just happy that I'm at an institute that notices the little things and does something about them. |
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| Something from the Daily Bruin.. |
[Oct. 24th, 2007|08:34 am] |
"But most of all, don't ever forget that this person is an ex and an ex for a reason. People don't generally change dramatically enough to make a once-failed relationship work." - Nicole Forde, from October 23, 2007.
This one little quote did it for me of what happen just recently; I have noticed my own faults and need to understand that no matter how many times I want to run back into the past, this person will NEVER change his ways back in the days, and funny thing, I have started to noticed these things again.
I finally did what I needed to be down, that took me roughly two years to do. I have officially blocked this person from my AIM, and I will be deleting him off my list later today.
Joe Giovanni Portillo, you have played me for the last time; it's time for me to officially move on, and not look back anymore. You had your chances and fucked up, and now, I'm not looking back anymore. I didn't know why it took me this long to realize this, but people never change once they fucked up. They keep fucking up until it fucks up their lives, THEN they pick themselves up and start over. You never did reach that point, so you're still the way you are.
I'm glad that it's about that that I got slapped hard in the face. |
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akirakongouji's journal
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